


silenced

by amybri2002



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Logan is sad, blood mention, he’s really not doing well i am not at all sorry, just for a bit of extra spice, logan is so many issues with his self worth bby, logan is touch starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29117448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amybri2002/pseuds/amybri2002
Summary: Logan confronts the others about his feelings of being ignored. This does not go well.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 15
Kudos: 76
Collections: TSS Fanworks Collective, TSS Fanworks Collective Discord: January Remix Challenge!





	silenced

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BluesfeedUnsolved](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BluesfeedUnsolved/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Quiet](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24074638) by [BluesfeedUnsolved](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BluesfeedUnsolved/pseuds/BluesfeedUnsolved). 
  * In response to a prompt by [BluesfeedUnsolved](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BluesfeedUnsolved/pseuds/BluesfeedUnsolved) in the [tss_fanworks_collective_discord_january_remix_challenge](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tss_fanworks_collective_discord_january_remix_challenge) collection. 



> hey! this is a remix for Bluesfeeds Unsolved fic ‘Quiet’, in which i took the problem and made it a whole lot worse because damn do i project onto logan and damn do i love hurting fictional characters :)   
> anyway i hope that y’all like this <3

He’d tried to tell them. Over and over again. The first time, when he’d first made the plan, and then the second when he’d seen they’d tried to change it, and then again when they ignored him the second time, and again and again and again. And now Thomas was hurt, people were mad at him, and he just  _ knew  _ the others would end up blaming him. Like always. 

Maybe it hadn’t seemed like such a big deal to them. There were plenty of times where Thomas had multiple things he had to complete, multiple places he had to go, some things more important than others. They’d had discussions about this before, about how Thomas needed to sort out his priorities, and  _ that’s what Logan‘s job was, sorting out his priorities _ .

He’d told them over and over that it wouldn’t work out, that either Thomas would hurt himself or hurt his friends or damage his career or  _ something _ , something would happen, it wouldn’t end well. Not to mention the fact that Thomas didn’t even want to go to this event, he’d expressed that multiple times, they’d  _ known  _ it would be damaging to his mental health, especially since he was now behind schedule which only stressed him out more, plus some of his friends were mad at him for ditching them so early, the others were freaking out because Thomas was freaking out, which of course only made Thomas freak out even more, and… 

This all could have been avoided if they’d just  _ listened  _ to him, taken his advice, let him do his damn job. 

That’s why Logan ended up sitting alone in his room, uncharacteristically crying his eyes out, waiting for the inevitable. He didn’t like this, at all, all this… emotion stuff, but recently he had found himself experiencing it more and more, so he supposed that he’d have to get used to it at some point. He  _ had  _ read that crying sometimes helped people feel better, ‘letting it out’ as they say, although so far it had only made him feel weak, hopeless, useless,  _ stupid _ . He didn’t like it. 

He considered for a moment whether he should just… not see the others at all, stay in his room for the remainder of his meagre existent, continue to spread his influence to Thomas, of course, but in the background, working by himself, but like the sides used to before they first showed themselves to Thomas. Maybe he still wouldn’t listen, maybe it would just throw Logan further to the sidelines, out of the picture entirely, but at least he wouldn’t have to deal with one more person speaking over him, one more person refusing to listen to him, one more person only pretending to give a shit about what he had to say. 

He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath, and slowly exhaling. This wasn’t the time to think about it, not when he’d be summoned at any- 

A tug in his chest. He stood up, making his way over to the bathroom to see what he looked like, whilst simultaneously trying his hardest to ignore the familiar sensation of a summon, push it down until he was ready. He… looked like an absolute mess, in all honesty, but it would be a quick fix. He wiped away the tears staining his face, pushing that emotion deep,  _ deep  _ down, bottling it up and throwing it away into the ocean, anything to make it seem as though he was fine. He then brushed through his hair, straightened out his shirt and tie, and took a deep breath, plastering on a straight face. No one had to know. 

Logan sank out of his room, rising back up in Thomas’ living room. Thomas himself was nowhere to be found - probably still sulking in his room, which Logan tried not to think too much about - though the others were already bickering amongst themselves. The room fell silent once they noticed Logan’s presence. 

“Oh, look who  _ finally  _ decided to show up,” Roman scoffed. “I’ve been calling you for  _ hours _ .” 

“I have first summoned exactly four minutes and twenty eight seconds ago,” Logan said, plainly. “I’m afraid I was a little… preoccupied.” 

The others stared at him, as if expecting him to elaborate. Not  _ wanting  _ him to elaborate, just… expecting it. Probably looking for another reason to tell him to shut up, nobody cares, nobody asked. No reason to talk about yourself, you don’t matter. Can’t even do your job correctly, let alone function as a figurative human being. 

Logan sighed. “What is it that you need?” He narrowed his eyes. “Where’s Thomas?” 

“That’s it,” Patton said. “Thomas. We were… trying to figure out what went wrong. How to fix it.” 

“You want to know what went wrong?” Logan said, raising an eyebrow, holding back a laugh. Were they all…  _ really  _ that blind? 

Patton just blinked. “Do you have an idea?” 

This time, Logan couldn’t stop himself from laughing. “You are really that blind.” The others looked confused, why did they- oh, he’d… said that out loud, they hadn’t heard his previous thought. Whatever. “Okay, okay.” He sighed. “What happens when you schedule multiple things for the same-“ 

“Wait,” Roman interrupted, and Logan immediately piped down, sinking into himself, face straightening out again. He took a step back, eyes flicking to the floor. Not the time to speak, then. So much for Patton wanting his opinion.  _ They never want your opinion, your opinion doesn’t matter.  _ “I’ve got it. It’s Logan’s fault.” 

Logan immediately looked back up again. “Is it?” 

“I mean, if you think about it, you’re the one who makes the schedules, you should have known that this would be a bad idea.” 

Logan’s eyes twitched. He breathed in. “I  _ did  _ tell you. Multiple times. Originally, I-“ 

“I don’t remember you telling us,” Patton said, frowning. 

“Yeah, me neither,” Virgil confirmed, staring right at Logan. Logan sank back, eyes flicking back to the floor, refusing to make eye contact with everyone. He shifted from side to side, fiddling with the end of his tie. 

“I can assure you, I definitely told you all. Every time you attempted to-“ 

“So we all agree this is Logan’s fault, right?” Roman interrupted again, looking at the others. Patton and Virgil both nodded, Patton a little more reluctantly, though Janus stood still in the background, staring at Logan, looking… confused. Logan caught his eyes for a moment, before looking down, letting out a breath. “Alright, so, Logan, how do we fix it?” 

Logan closed his eyes. “Maybe if you had  _ listened  _ to me in the first place, nothing would need to be fixed.” 

“Listen to you?” Patton repeated. “When have we ever not listened to you?” 

Logan’s eyes snapped open, staring straight at Patton, a frustrated look in his eyes. Was Patton being serious? In the past week alone he could think of millions of examples: Roman just insulting him whenever he tried to contribute to the new video script, Virgil telling him to fuck off when he’d come just to check if he was okay with Thomas’ current stress levels and to attempt to calm him, Janus taking his place all the time and not letting his share his own opinions,  _ Patton apparently not understanding a single thing he’d tried to them him in the current conversation _ . 

“You haven’t listened to a  _ single  _ thing I’ve said so far. You’re always cutting me off, you-“ 

“We don’t cut you off,” Roman said, frowning. 

“You  _ literally  _ just cut me off right there.” Roman didn’t even have the decency to look guilty, or even sorry. “I can think of three other examples from this conversation alone, never mind the countless other times you  _ all  _ have in the past.” 

The other four were silent for a moment, staring at him, with varying amounts of confusion, and… possible anger, in Roman’s case. 

“Well, it’s not our fault that you ramble on for so long,” Roman grumbled. 

Logan opened his mouth to reply, though Virgil spoke before he can even begin. “Logan, why- why wouldn’t we listen to you?” 

“I don’t know, why don’t  _ you  _ tell  _ me _ ?” Logan snapped, voice growing louder.  _ Shouting _ . “I’m always trying to get you all to listen to me, but nothing I do is ever enough. I give as much input as I can in videos, though half the time you don’t actually listen, and if you do you usually disregard whatever I say. Half the time you pretend like I don’t even exist, I-“ 

“Logan, could you just… be quiet for a bit, please?” Patton asked, and Logan immediately deflated. He hadn’t even been listening then, had he? Had he listened to  _ anything  _ that Logan had said? “I just… need a moment to process.” 

The others all stared at him, Logan’s mouth wide open, one finger held up as though he was about to say something, but before he did, he slowly lowered his arm, closed his mouth. They wouldn’t care anyway. They didn’t want to actually hear what he thought about this. They didn’t need him. They never did. 

He sank out. 

As soon as he got back to his room, he burst into tears again. He wasn’t sure entirely what happened between rising up and collapsing onto his bed, blinded by anger, frustration, but soon there was shattered glass on the floor, his desk was a mess, and Logan only seemed to feel worse. 

Thinking about it, though, that had gone about as well as he thought it would. The others ignored him, told him to shut up like usual, completely disregarded his opinions and fe- 

No, not feelings. He reminded himself that he  _ didn’t have those _ , he shouldn’t even be crying right now, this  _ shouldn’t be affecting him _ . But it was. And there wasn’t much he could do about that. 

Well, it wasn’t as though anyone would care enough to come and check on him, no one had to know, no one would ask. He was beginning to wonder whether it was worth leaving his room at all - what was the point in communicating with the others if they didn’t want to talk back, didn’t want to listen to him, didn’t care. He could do all his work alone, without anyone else’s input. Maybe then they wouldn’t go around changing things and ignoring him when he tells them not to. 

He laid down on his bed, staring at his ceiling, finding that his tears had now run dry. Huh. How long has he been in here now? He hadn’t felt any of the others attempt to summon him back, or maybe he had just ignored it and they’d stopped trying. For now, he was quite happy just staring at the ceiling, slowly breathing in and out, trying to calm down his heart, clear his mind. Move on. 

He heard a knock on his door. Great. Just perfect. 

Logan opened his mouth to tell whoever was on the other side to  _ go away _ , but it was at that moment that he realised he… couldn’t speak. Not that he didn’t want to, not that he couldn’t bring himself to, but was  _ physically incapable of speaking _ . The words died in his throat before having a chance of escape, and… that terrified him. He didn’t have a sore throat or anything, he otherwise felt fine, so why couldn’t he… 

“Logan?” a smooth, deep voice said on the other side of the door, filled with concern. “Are you okay?” Janus. 

Logan tried again to speak, tried to tell him that there was no need to worry - even though there clearly was, if he had genuinely lost the ability to make any sounds at all - but he couldn’t. Couldn’t get the words to come out of his mouth. He groaned in frustration, though still found that, even then, no sound came out. That… That was definitely concerning. 

“I know you’re in there,” Janus said. “I’m not… mad at you, or anything. Just wanted to make sure that you’re okay. After- After that.” 

Logan stayed right where he was, still silent. He didn’t understand why Janus would even care. He was fairly certain that Janus was lying about… something, he was usually lying about something, though Logan couldn’t quite figure it out. Besides, Janus was also at fault here - he’d silenced him so many times, benched him, thrown him to the side, impersonated him, done anything he could to ensure the others never got his opinion. His opinion that never mattered in the first place. 

But none of that mattered. Apparently, he couldn’t speak to Janus anyway. 

“Alright, well, I’m going to stay out here,” Janus decided. Logan heard some shuffling outside his door, and assumed that Janus had now sat down. “You don’t have to speak if you don’t want to, but I’m… ready when you are.” 

He  _ did want to talk _ , so, so badly, and he didn’t know how he was supposed to explain to Janus that he  _ couldn’t _ . But oh well, there wasn’t much he could do about that. Hopefully his voice would return soon. 

“The others seemed worried, y’know, after you left,” Janus said. 

Logan snorted. (Though, still, no sound came out.) That was a  _ classic  _ Janus lie, the others were never worried about him. Maybe they felt guilty - which they should, but it was unlikely that they would - or confused, but not worried. 

“I’m not too happy with them, though,” Janus continued. “I… didn’t realise it was that bad.” 

That bad? What- What could that possibly mean? 

“Maybe that explains why my attempts to impersonate you never really go as planned, if they truly don’t listen to you,” Janus said, voice deflating a little. 

Logan frowned at that. 

“But hey ho, I had a screaming match with them, hopefully it’ll get through to them.” 

Screaming match? Why would he- 

“If not, though, you can… talk to me whenever you want, I’m here to listen.” A pause. “I… know what it’s like to be ignored, and it’s never fun. You don’t deserve to go through that treatment.” 

There was a long silence after that. Logan wasn’t sure what he even would say if he could. Eventually, though, he heard a small laugh on the other side of the door. 

“You’re probably not even listening to me now,” Janus said. “Are you even in there?  _ Can  _ you hear me through the door?” A beat. “Shit, have you… left?” 

Left? What did… 

“No, no, you… can’t duck out, I know that.” 

_ Duck out?  _ Why would Logan… He’d never actually considered before whether he could duck out. He’d definitely considered removing himself from the group, working strictly in the backgrounds, but… removing himself entirely? No, that would only end in disaster. Sure, his opinion or presence or existence didn’t matter, but his function did, without Logic Thomas would… Logan wasn’t actually sure. Involve himself more in fantasy, perhaps, which would eventually harm him, but… did he really need logic anymore? His entire job was involving himself in fantasies, why would he… 

Logan shook his head.  _ No.  _ He couldn’t duck out. He couldn’t do that to Thomas. They’d all seen the effect that Virgil leaving had on Thomas, Logan wasn’t about to put him through that again. 

...removing himself from the group, though? That was beginning to sound more and more like the perfect option. No need for human interaction, no need to actually discuss things with the others. All he needed to do was spread his influence, continue his work behind the scenes. He wouldn’t even need a physical form, he could just… 

No.  _ No.  _ He couldn’t leave. Even if he didn’t matter to the others, Thomas still needed him… right? 

Janus sighed. “You probably just can’t hear me. I should… I should leave you alone.”

Logan’s eyes widened at that. He wasn’t really sure why, but… maybe he hadn’t really wanted Janus to go away, maybe the company was… nice. It wasn’t often that people talked to him, let alone visited his room, unless they  _ needed  _ something from. Which, again, was rare. 

There was silence on the other side of the door and, for some reason, Logan was  _ terrified  _ that Janus had already gone. He tried to tell himself that it wasn’t because he enjoyed his company or anything, wasn’t because his voice was soothing, calming, wasn’t because he genuinely seemed to care, but because… well, Janus knew a thing about silencing people, maybe he knew what had happened to Logan, maybe he could help reverse it. Not that Logan was going to tell him, he couldn’t risk Janus taking advantage of it, but… well, it was a good enough excuse that allowed Logan to almost leap off the bed and scramble to the door, knocking out a message in morse code:  _.--. .-.. . .- ... . / -.. --- -. - / --. ---  _

“Logan?” Janus said on the other side of the door, sounding a little further away, though becoming louder as he heard footsteps approaching again. “Is that you knocking?” 

He knocked out another message:  _ -.-- . … _

Silence for a moment. “Okay, so you still aren’t speaking to me, huh?” Another pause. “Was that morse code, or something? Uh, knock once for yes and twice or no.” 

Logan hesitates for a moment, before knocking once. 

“Alright, well, I don’t know morse code, so how about we stick to once for yes and twice for no?” 

He knocked once again, hoping that Janus would understand that. Maybe it would be easier to just get a pen and paper, or something… no, he wasn’t sure if he ever had the energy to actually write, a game of yes and no would do for now. 

“So, uh, are you okay?” Janus asked. 

Logan didn’t respond to that, unsure of the answer himself. He… was certainly more stable than when he arrived in his room, though being relatively stable didn’t mean he was  _ okay _ . He wasn’t even sure what  _ qualified  _ ‘okay’. 

“I’m going to take that as a no,” Janus decided, after Logan’s prolonged silence. Logan didn’t attempt to argue - he couldn’t have, even if he wanted to. “ _ Can  _ you speak?” 

Two knocks. 

Janus was silent for a moment, as if confused. “You can’t speak,” he said. “That’s… Do you mean you’re too overwhelmed to speak?” 

Logan didn’t respond to that either. Again, he just… didn’t know. All he knew was the words died in his throat before he could get them out, or sometimes felt like they were never there in the first place. 

“Logan, can- You’re allowed to say no to this, if you want, but would you mind if I came in?” Janus asked. 

Logan hesitated, but… well, perhaps it would be easier to communicate if Janus was inside, if he could see Logan, maybe Logan would even be able to write something down, maybe it wouldn’t go terribly. He stood up and slowly opened the door, watching Janus scramble up off the floor and spin around, facing Logan. He watched as Janus’ face fell, just looking at Logan - he imagined he looked like a mess in that moment, but there really wasn’t much that could be done. 

Before Logan could change his mind and slam the door, he ushered Janus inside, closing the door behind them. He walked over towards his bed, sitting down on the side, eyes glued on the floor as though he was trying to avoid eye contact with Janus. Meanwhile, Janus pulled a chair from Logan’s desk and moved it closer to his bed, sitting down on that instead. 

After a moment of silence, Janus spoke up. “I don’t think I’ve ever been in another sides room.” 

Logan looked up at him to see a smirk, and frowned. 

“Sorry,” Janus said, “not the time, I know.” A pause. “So you… said that you can’t speak. Could you elaborate on that?” 

Logan sighed, and stood up, moving over to his desk to grab a pen and paper. He paused for a moment as he saw the broken glass again, just now noticing that there was a little blood on his hand as well. That… wasn’t good, but it didn’t look too serious, just a small cut. He grabbed a pen and paper regardless, returning to the bed and beginning to scribble a message out, handwriting shaky, messy but still mostly legible. 

_ I cannot speak. I don’t know how or why, but nothing seems to come out. I think I’m calmed down now, but-  _

The note stopped there, the rest furiously scribbled out. He turned the note around and Janus leant over to read it, an eyebrow raised. “Well, that does sound like a problem.” 

Logan glared at him, obviously quite frustrated. 

“Sorry,” Janus said. He let out a sigh. “We should probably do something about that then, huh? It can’t be permanent, Thomas wouldn’t survive a  _ day  _ without your influence-“ 

Logan glanced down, turning his head away from Janus, fixing his eyes on the floor. Janus must be lying there, Thomas would be just fine without him, he hardly ever listened to him anyway. The others clearly didn’t want him around either, it would probably be a whole lot easier for them if he just stopped showing up. No more unnecessary exposition, or whatever they thought of it. Maybe losing his voice was a good thing, at least there was no way for him to be an annoyance anymore, they’d probably prefer him like this, right? 

He didn’t even notice the tears beginning to drip down his face until Janus pointed it out. “Are you alright?” he asked, shuffling a little closer to Logan, sitting right on the edge of his seat, only for Logan to turn further away, as if trying to hide. “I…” He sighed. “I know you may not believe it coming from me, but you  _ are  _ important to Thomas, Logan. And I want to help.” 

Logan just shook his head, bringing up his arms and hugging his chest. Why would Janus want to help him?  _ How  _ could he help him?  _ Why did he even care?  _

Logan felt a hand land on his shoulder and immediately flinched, ducking away. He glanced over at Janus again, who… genuinely looked concerned, but then again he constantly wore different faces, it was entirely possible that was fake as well. He watched Janus withdraw his hand, clearing his throat. 

“Look, I- I don’t think that the way the others treat you is fair, and I want to help fix that.” He paused for a moment. “I know what it’s like to feel ignored, and… you of all sides don’t deserve that, at all.” 

Logan frowned, glancing away again. It… Well, he was Deceit, that can’t be the whole truth, surely he wasn’t capable of that, but it sounded genuine, sounded like he really did care, really did believe it, mean it. And then again… Logan didn’t think that as Logic he was supposed to have emotions, but there he was, crying his eyes out with no ability to stop. 

“I tried to speak to them about it,” Janus said. “They… They understand that the way they treated you was wrong, and it… may be hard, may take some time, but they  _ will  _ change. They do care about you, Logan. I… Please don’t give up.” 

Logan moved a hand up to his face to wipe away his tears, sniffling, then grabbed his pen and paper again, furiously scribbling out another message:  _ I’m not giving up, if anything they’re giving up on me. They don’t like me.  _

He couldn’t ignore the hurt sound that came from Janus, face falling in shock,  _ pity _ . “They do like you, Logan, I’m sure of that. Which I know may not mean a lot coming from me, but… please believe me, I’m telling the truth this time.” 

Logan shook his head again, writing out more.  _ They don’t. They-  _ He scribbled that last word out.  _ If they’re that bothered about seeing me, why don’t you just impersonate me like usual? They prefer you anyway.  _

Janus reached over and took hold of Logan’s hand. Logan stiffened, though this time didn’t pull away. “They want  _ you _ , Logan, not me. They need you. I’m not… I’m not you, I’m nowhere near as smart, I just bullshit my way through everything, you’re the one with all the facts that they so desperately need. You’re important, Logan. Truly.” 

Janus frowned, as his fingers intertwined with Logan’s and he… noticed the blood. “You’re bleeding,” he whispered. He hummed, then stood up, moving over to Logan’s bathroom, before returning with some cloth and bandages. 

As Janus began to clean up the cut (which looked a whole lot worse now that Logan had a proper look at it) and bandaged it up, Logan stayed silent, eerily so. Not that he’d have a choice either way, but… he had to think about what Janus had said, give it a moment to settle in, for him to believe the statement. He knew he was important to Thomas’ overall well-being, he knew that he needed to be there to help him, but lately it just felt like… well, Logic wasn’t needed as often as, say, when Thomas was still in school. He’d make schedules only for them to be ignored, try to inform Thomas about interesting facts only to be shot down by the others, try to get Thomas to do something with his life only to make him upset. 

He didn’t notice the tears beginning to drip down his face once again, though he  _ did  _ notice an arm wrap around his shoulder, and immediately pulled away, looking up at Janus with… slight fear in his eyes. He was fairly sure that wasn’t normal, he shouldn’t be afraid of someone  _ hugging  _ him, but… perhaps the other had ignored him in more ways that just refusing to listen. 

“Sorry,” Janus said, looking away and drawing back. “Listen, I… I mean it when I say I want to help you. We’ll figure out the voice thing, I’m certain that there’s a way to resolve it. And… I’ll make the others listen to you, they may just… need some time.” 

Logan looked away again, taking in a deep breath. His hand was wrapped in a bandage now, and Janus had moved from his chair to sit besides Logan on the bed. When had that happened? 

“I… know you aren’t one for physical contact,” Janus continued, “but I believe it may be beneficial for you if you’re… willing to accept a hug, at least for now. We will return to the issue at hand later, of course, but… for now, you need someone to help calm you down, right?” 

Logan was silent for a moment, before beginning to write again, slowly this time, trying to be neat though still finding that his hands were shaking a little.  _ How is physical contact supposed to calm me down?  _

Janus sighed, taking a moment before he responded, thinking. “I don’t know how to explain it. It’s… reassuring, I guess.” A pause. “Look, we don’t have to if you don’t want to, and we can stop at any time, but… surely it’s at least worth a shot.” 

Logan hesitated, before sighing and slowly nodding, edging closer towards Janus, who opened up his arms, allowing Logan to lean into him. And… it did actually feel rather nice, warm,  _ so  _ warm. Logan almost forgot how to breathe for a moment - Christ, when was the last time he’d touched someone? Really it… only made him cry more, though he wasn’t about to complain. When his body tried to pull back, he was just met with a terrible, terrible cold, and clinged right back onto Janus, taking in a shaky breath. 

Janus’ wrapped his arm tightly around Logan, rubbing his back, allowing him to cry into his shoulder, reaching up a hand after a while to wipe his tears away. He stayed there for longer than he thought he would, perhaps trying to make up for all the lost hugs he never received from the others, finally able to stop thinking for a while, relax. 

At least Janus was there for him. The others… well, they could deal with that later. For now, Logan was perfectly content, being held, sitting in a comforting silence. 


End file.
